SINK THAT FEELING - An Article on Bangalore Mirror

This is an article published in the Bangalore Mirror recently. I liked this article so much that I decided to blog it as it was published. 

Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you from trying. Here’s how to handle that ‘No’ better

No one likes that nerve-wrecking feeling in the pit of their tummy before a job interview, or when sharing a new idea at an office meeting or while talking to an interesting stranger. The anxiety of being rejected is not easy to handle. But if it so paralyzing that you don't even attempt the things you secretly want to do, it’s time to try new ways to deal with it.

Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani says that the fear of rejection sometimes leads people to choose security and stagnation over risk and growth. It could get in the way of realizing your objectives. She shares some tips on how to not let this anxiety get the better of you.

1. PRACTICE DISCOMFORT: The biggest deterrent to taking a chance is the bodily discomfort we perceive when we are turned down. We go to great extents to avoid that unpleasant sensation. The trick is to accept this feeling. To practice living with it, solicit situations that make you feel uncomfortable physically. Start with minor ones and then move on to things that make a big difference. For starters, even denying yourself a cup of coffee you think you need badly would work. It’s very likely that you’ll realise after a while that the sensation is not catastrophic and that you can survive it.
2. AIM FOR REJECTION Set up objectives that call for rejection. That way you won’t give up without trying. For instance, tell yourself ‘My goal is to get turned down 10 times’. If you’re single and get cold feet when you have to mingle, you are the perfect candidate for this exercise. You can begin by asking out someone who may not be your first choice. Once you've built up your ability to stand your own in the face of rejection, you’ll be better prepared to approach people you really like. Give yourself an incentive and reward yourself for achieving a target, such as a certain number of failed attempts. For example, if you get five negative responses to your sales calls, buy yourself something new.
3. LOOK FOR FEEDBACK View rejection as an opportunity to correct and improve yourself. So analyse the cause of the rejection as objectively as you can and incorporate it in your plan for growth. “We are scared to face the unpleasant truth about ourselves because we invest our ego in our actions and ideas. However, if your boss doesn't think your idea is as good as you thought it was, it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. We can live life experimentally if we accept that we can’t be brilliant all the time,” says Chulani.
4. BE RATIONAL Counselling psychologist Shweta Kansara says a person hurt by rejection could be holding on to irrational thoughts such as, ‘I need approval for everything I do’ or ‘I need to be loved by everyone’. “People set these standards or ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ in their minds that create obstacles for flexibility. Such thoughts need to be replaced by the desire to try your best and do things for themselves rather than for the approval of others. Such an attitude leaves you positive even if someone doesn't appreciate your work,” she says.
5. SPEAK YOUR MIND Both at work and in relationships, it is critical to be authentic even if that means risking someone’s displeasure. For instance, if you disagree with your colleague, it is important to put your point of view across in a pleasant way. Define your self-image based on qualities such as honesty, kindness and generosity. Not on whether someone got upset with you or not.

Overcoming fear of rejection requires you to be secure about who you are. When you feel good about yourself, you will not fear rejection to an extent that makes you ineffective.

In She’s Out of My League,Jay Baruchel didn’t attempt to attract the attention of the girl he liked for the fear of being rejected 

Time Magazine's quote on Sachin

"When Sachin Tendulkar travelled to Pakistan to face one of the finest bowling attacks ever assembled in cricket, Michael Schumacher was yet to race a F1 car, Lance Armstrong had never been to the Tour de France, Diego Maradona was still the captain of a world champion Argentina team, Pete Sampras had never won a Grand Slam.

When Tendulkar embarked on a glorious career taming Imran and company, Roger Federer was a name unheard of; Lionel Messi was in his nappies, Usain Bolt was an unknown kid in the Jamaican backwaters. The Berlin Wall was still intact, USSR was one big, big country, Dr Manmohan Singh was yet to "open" the Nehruvian economy. It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Sachin Tendulkar. We have had champions, we have had legends, but we have never had another Sachin Tendulkar and we never will."

VinnaiThandi Varuvaaya still at Sathyam Cinemas

VinnaiThandi Vaaruvaaya

A creative warning which I saw in ConneXions

ConneXions Warning ... Very creative

Me, My Life and The People I Love...

When I became aware that when I didn't get that good marks in 12th nor in the TN Entrance Examinations, I never really did get how that would affect my life. To say frankly, I was immature, I knew little about the competitive world out there. Later when I realized the fact, I felt too bad and it didn't help that much with my inferiority complex. Then one day, my mom being a doctor herself, and seeing that i got good grades in Biology than in Mathematics in my board exams, asked me weather I would like to pursue a career in Medicine. But I disagreed, cause of the thought of myself failing as a Doctor sacred me like hell. Other than that I was very interested in computers and want to choose Computer Science Engineering as my career choice. That, I realize now, the best decision I've made in my entire life. Then, my dad, wanting to get me into a better college, somehow pushed me into Guindy College Of Engineering in Chennai. In the counseling ranking system, I was ranked 11th. On the day of counseling, we(me and my dad) reached early and we were asked to wait in a big hall for course selection and documents verification.

In the 10 people ahead of me, till today, i was aware of only 3 people(who eventually became my closest friends and one in particular more more than a close friend). Then after 10 days, we were asked to report for allocating hostel rooms for students. As it turns out, when my turn came all the available rooms were filled out, and we were asked to get our rooms allocated on the day of joining college. But, since I joined as an NRI student, I had a choice for opting International hostel, which my father insisted me to join. But I refused at the last moment, and little did I knew then that it would change my life forever, for the better...

As the day of college opening got nearer and nearer, I had no clue of how this new place is going to be like. Will it be like my school, in which I have spent by then, the past 14 years of my life. Will I feel lonely, just like the time when we moved out of the house I've lived in since the day I was born, will I like this strange place in which I have to spend the next 4 years of my life. I was scared, terrified and mortified. It was the first time I am leaving my home town, my family, my friends for a significant period of time. But when I think of it now, the kind of friends I made during college, the kind of guy I turned out, I kind of closeness I enjoyed, boy that 4 short years of my life, was the best time of my life.

Still to come... my view of the best days of my life...

And needless to say since I studied in an All Boys School, from LKG right up to 12th Std. I was not really sure weather I would like to sit in a class with 35 girls, and yes, I counted the no. of girls there were in my class, the first day of college. But now I regret why did engineering courses have a duration of just 4 years. As      like everything in life, we only truly understand and appreciate the beauty of the things we truly love, when we move apart from it. The further you move, the closer you become.

Love, Life and Marriage...

Today we(myself and group of 10 of my good friends/colleagues), had a chat after lunch at the office premises. The topic of choice was an ever-green and interesting one "How each of us expect our marriage to be...". It started of just as any other conversation, guys complaining about girls, making fun of each other, and in other words "Really enjoying our after-lunch break".

  Actually we were trying to figure out, how a guy should approach a girl(he really likes) in the first place? Should he just go out to her and just chat? What if you don't know the girl at all? Or you haven't spoke to the girl since high school and you are seeing her everyday on the bus whilst coming to office? There were a lot of what if's in our conversation. And I seriously don't know how to express to someone that you really like her/him.

As our conversation grew, I was surprised to find out that everyone in our "little" gang belonged to a different category. Let me put it down as a list...

1. One who is already committed.
2. One who is madly in love, and thinks he's pretty romantic in his actions.
3. One who befriends a lot of girls and hasn't fallen for any of them(the latter part may not be correct).
4. One who thinks of himself as "Mounam Pesiyathae" Surya, and thinks he'll never fall in love.
5. One who is acts as if he doesn't know about women at all.
6. One who is adamant not to fall in love until marriage.
7. One who has kind of a "Take it easy" character, and never worries about anything at all.
8. One who is very friendly with everyone.
9. One who gives a kind of a sarcastic comment for every word.
10. One who i am not sure about.

I am surprised to find out people can say that they can live without falling in love with anyone, then marry a girl  who their parents choose and try and love that girl and hope she loves you back as much as you expect.

Personally, I believe that every one in this world should fall in love, just for the heck of it. Only then you'll find out the "real" you, the part of yourself you never knew existed. You will do things that you never thought you could do. Things like... Talking to her over the phone at night, even after spending the entire morning with her. Talking to her for hours together even thought you had nothing to talk to. Talking to her, longer than your combined talk time with every one else, on a single call.  Ignoring every one around you when she is near. Feeling frustrated when she talks with someone you don't know.

Finding someone you can fall in love with madly, is the best thing that can happen t you. The more interesting and challenging part is the one in which you try to make her see you the same way, you see her.

Even though love can make you feel as light as a feather, enabling you to fly, it can also make you feel as heavy as an broken anchor  at the bottom of the deepest ocean without the chain.

And finally, I believe that if you really like someone you shouldn't care about what others might think. Just follow the path your heart chooses. Don't waste time  thinking about the consequences your actions might cause. Just do it. Cause everyone deserves to tell the person they like, how mush they like em.

I know this post might be a little too quirky and might even make you feel uncomfortable, the reason I decided to write this in the first place is because of that "after-lunch chat". But the main reason was cause im sitting at my home, its 2 in the morning, and I cant sleep. More to follow...

We Dancing for Hosanna Song from VTV... Colruyt Team Outing