This is an article published in the Bangalore Mirror recently. I liked this article so much that I decided to blog it as it was published.
Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you from trying. Here’s how to handle that ‘No’ better
No one likes that nerve-wrecking feeling in the pit of their tummy before a job interview, or when sharing a new idea at an office meeting or while talking to an interesting stranger. The anxiety of being rejected is not easy to handle. But if it so paralyzing that you don't even attempt the things you secretly want to do, it’s time to try new ways to deal with it.
Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani says that the fear of rejection sometimes leads people to choose security and stagnation over risk and growth. It could get in the way of realizing your objectives. She shares some tips on how to not let this anxiety get the better of you.
- PRACTICE DISCOMFORT: The biggest deterrent to taking a chance is the bodily discomfort we perceive when we are turned down. We go to great extents to avoid that unpleasant sensation. The trick is to accept this feeling. To practice living with it, solicit situations that make you feel uncomfortable physically. Start with minor ones and then move on to things that make a big difference. For starters, even denying yourself a cup of coffee you think you need badly would work. It’s very likely that you’ll realise after a while that the sensation is not catastrophic and that you can survive it.
- AIM FOR REJECTION Set up objectives that call for rejection. That way you won’t give up without trying. For instance, tell yourself ‘My goal is to get turned down 10 times’. If you’re single and get cold feet when you have to mingle, you are the perfect candidate for this exercise. You can begin by asking out someone who may not be your first choice. Once you've built up your ability to stand your own in the face of rejection, you’ll be better prepared to approach people you really like. Give yourself an incentive and reward yourself for achieving a target, such as a certain number of failed attempts. For example, if you get five negative responses to your sales calls, buy yourself something new.
- LOOK FOR FEEDBACK View rejection as an opportunity to correct and improve yourself. So analyse the cause of the rejection as objectively as you can and incorporate it in your plan for growth. “We are scared to face the unpleasant truth about ourselves because we invest our ego in our actions and ideas. However, if your boss doesn't think your idea is as good as you thought it was, it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. We can live life experimentally if we accept that we can’t be brilliant all the time,” says Chulani.
- BE RATIONAL Counselling psychologist Shweta Kansara says a person hurt by rejection could be holding on to irrational thoughts such as, ‘I need approval for everything I do’ or ‘I need to be loved by everyone’. “People set these standards or ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ in their minds that create obstacles for flexibility. Such thoughts need to be replaced by the desire to try your best and do things for themselves rather than for the approval of others. Such an attitude leaves you positive even if someone doesn't appreciate your work,” she says.
- SPEAK YOUR MIND Both at work and in relationships, it is critical to be authentic even if that means risking someone’s displeasure. For instance, if you disagree with your colleague, it is important to put your point of view across in a pleasant way. Define your self-image based on qualities such as honesty, kindness and generosity. Not on whether someone got upset with you or not.
In She’s Out of My League,Jay Baruchel didn’t attempt to attract the attention of the girl he liked for the fear of being rejected
